🖤 Behind the Velvet Rope: Our First Sex Club Experience (and What It Taught Us)

We’re a married couple — I’m 42, Sophie’s 38 — with two kids, 23 years together, and a lot of love (and lust) still going strong. This blog shares what happened the first time we walked into a sex club — and how, after multiple visits and seven club nights later, it’s completely changed the way we connect.

Most people fantasise about wild sex, new experiences, or doing something completely out of the ordinary — but actually acting on it? That’s something else. For us, it all started two weeks before New Year’s Eve 2024, when Sophie casually suggested we try a sex club. After years of family life, kids, and never really having the time or freedom, it felt like the wildest idea imaginable… and somehow, we said yes. What followed was a night we’ll never forget — eye-opening, nerve-racking, and completely not what we expected. We’ve since been to four clubs in total, but this is the one that changed everything.  

What Got Us Curious About Trying a Sex Club

It wasn’t porn, it wasn’t magazines — it was Sophie. After years of raising kids and having very little time for ourselves, she came out with it one night, completely out of the blue: “What do you think about going to a sex club?”

To say I was shocked is an understatement. Sophie’s gorgeous, confident, and has always had a playful side, but this felt next level. Turns out, she’d been chatting with our neighbour — who’s a swinger and hosts her own sex parties — and they were planning to go to a club called Pleasures in Kent for New Year’s Eve 2024.

Now I won’t lie — I’m a horny bastard. I absolutely love sex with Sophie and always have. I’m also curious, adventurous, maybe a bit dirty-minded if I’m honest. So even though the idea was shocking, it had my attention straight away. My head was spinning but in the best kind of way. It felt dangerous, exciting, and completely different from anything we’d ever done.

There was only one answer, really. I said yes.

The Lead-Up: Nerves, Excitement & Google Searches Before Our First Sex Club Visit

Saying yes was the easy part. Living with that decision for the next two weeks? That was something else entirely.

I couldn’t stop overthinking it. One minute I was buzzing with excitement, the next I was shitting myself. I was Googling everything — sex club etiquette, dress codes, rules, horror stories. I didn’t know what we were walking into. Sophie, on the other hand, seemed way more chilled about it. She was laughing, teasing me, even planning what to wear. That only made me more nervous — she always looks stunning, but the idea of her dressed up sexy in a place full of strangers? My jealous side was going mad.

I’m not proud to say it, but I’m a protective bloke. Always have been. And with Sophie looking like she does — slim, fit, sexy as hell — I had visions of blokes trying it on with her, and me having to step in. I honestly thought I might end up in a fight. It was a weird mix of fear and arousal, and it kept me up at night. I was excited, but also wired.

Still, we were committed. We booked a hotel — Premier Inn in East Malling, £90 including breakfast, which seemed decent for New Year’s Eve. Entry to the club was £60 for the night (normally £40), plus about £35 on drinks since it’s a bring-your-own-booze setup — you just buy soft drinks at the bar. So all things considered, it was actually cheaper than a normal night out in London.

But cheaper doesn’t mean calmer. The closer we got to the night, the more intense the nerves became. It didn’t feel real until we were getting dressed, packing our overnight bag, and finally stepping out the door. And even then, I had no idea what we were really walking into.

Walking In — First Impressions at a Real UK Sex Club

As we walked up to the door, it hit me like a truck — “What the actual fuck are we doing?” My heart was racing, my brain was spinning, and Sophie? She was laughing her head off. Luckily, we weren’t alone — our neighbours were with us, the ones who’d done this all before. That helped, a bit. But I was still on edge.

We got to the entrance, paid at the door, and stepped inside. And straight away, I’m clocking everything. My eyes are scanning the room — not for the décor, not for the vibe — but to see if any bloke’s eyeing up Sophie. I was ready for war, if I’m honest. My nerves were through the roof.

But here’s the mad thing… no one was leering. No one was even looking at her in a creepy way. Everyone seemed chilled, respectful, and just up for a good night. That was the first big surprise. The second? The mix of people. We’d expected young swingers, porn star types — but there were people of all ages, from early 20s to probably 60s or even 70s. And it wasn’t weird. It just… worked.

We walked through the first lounge area and up a few steps to where the smoking area was. At the time I smoked, so we headed out there — and that’s when we saw it: the orgy bed. Massive. And full of people. Naked, moving, moaning, the works. Me and Sophie looked at each other like, “What the fuck have we done?” My face must’ve been a picture — I don’t think I blinked for a solid minute. That was the moment it all became real.

We didn’t run — but we did take a moment. A fag break felt very necessary.

A Quick Tour of Our First Sex Club — What It’s Actually Like Inside

Once we stepped through the door, paid, and got over the initial nerves, we started to properly take in the layout — and to be honest, we were impressed.

The first area was the bar and dancefloor — not massive, but enough to get people moving and chatting. From there, a few steps led up to the main lounge, which had a more chilled-out vibe. Sofas, low lighting, couples mingling or just relaxing.

To the left was the orgy room — and that’s where we accidentally found ourselves first. The orgy bed was huge and already in full swing. It was the kind of thing you don’t forget — naked bodies, full-on action, and no one giving a shit who was watching. It hit us hard. Me and Sophie looked at each other like, “What the actual fuck have we walked into?”

That room actually led through to several more couples' rooms tucked behind it, as well as a staircase up to even more spaces — something we didn’t realise straight away.

So we took a quick detour — straight out to the smoking area on the right. That’s where we had a moment to catch our breath and take it all in.

Through the smoking area was another hallway leading to more rooms — quite a few, actually. Some were more private, some were setup for watching or being watched. Past that, we found the dungeon area, complete with benches, a St. Andrew’s Cross, and all the kinky gear you'd expect. We’ve got our own sex room at home, so none of it was completely new to us — but still, seeing it laid out like that in a club was something else.

Downstairs there were even more rooms — a mix of private spaces, glory holes, viewing windows, and everything in between. It was like a full-on playground for adults, but done in a way that felt clean, well thought-out, and safe.

It was a lot to take in, but also weirdly easy to get lost in — and in a good way. You could have a drink, dance, chat, explore… or just sit and watch. And for a couple of first-timers, that freedom made all the difference. 

The Surprises — And Why We Fell in Love with the Sex Club Vibe

Once the shock wore off, something unexpected happened — we started to relax. Properly relax. And the reason? Everyone there was just... normal. Different shapes, sizes, ages — it wasn’t a room full of gym bodies or porn stars. It was real people, and no one gave a shit what you looked like. There was no judgment, no pressure. It was actually refreshing.

That was one of the biggest surprises for both of us — how body-positive the whole vibe was. You could wear what you wanted (or not wear anything at all), and nobody batted an eye. People were confident, comfortable, and doing their own thing. It felt like one of the only places where you could express yourself sexually or physically and not worry what anyone thought.

And then there was the energy — fun, flirty, but weirdly calm. It wasn’t some chaotic orgy like you'd expect from porn. There were sexy moments, sure, but there was also laughter, conversation, people just chilling out with a drink. We spoke to loads of like-minded couples and didn’t feel out of place once. Everyone had their own boundaries, and more importantly, respected yours.

What really stood out was how genuinely nice everyone was. We had no problems at all. No men bothering Sophie, no awkward comments, nothing shady. Just respectful, friendly, open-minded people enjoying themselves. For a first-time experience, that meant everything.

It was the opposite of seedy. It was social, sexy, and surprisingly safe.

Since Then — Our Ongoing Journey Through UK Sex Clubs

It’s mad how one night at a sex club can turn into something bigger. What started as a wild New Year’s Eve idea has now become part of our lives. Since that first night, we’ve been back to Pleasures twice more, tried three other clubs, and now go to Caress parties every month thanks to our neighbour. We’ve gone from nervous first-timers to feeling more confident, more connected, and honestly more adventurous than ever.

We went back to Pleasures three more times after our first visit, and each time we pushed things a bit further. We ended up having sex in private rooms, and it felt exciting but never pressured. We already loved sex together, but doing it in that kind of environment — surrounded by people who got it — added something new. Pleasures still feels like our “home club.” It’s always had a chilled, sexy atmosphere, and we’ve never had a bad night there.

Our neighbour then suggested Hellfire in Sunbury-on-Thames, and we were up for trying something different. But this one included single men — and I won’t lie, that triggered some of my old nerves again. I’m protective by nature, and the idea of single blokes around Sophie had me on edge. To top it off, when we arrived, the owner wasn’t impressed with my outfit — apparently a nice polo shirt wasn’t up to scratch. It was a themed night (which I hadn’t realised), and I had to shoot off to Tesco to grab a cheap F&F shirt just to get in. The owner was blunt and rubbed me up the wrong way, but I stayed calm and focused on having a good night.

The layout of Hellfire was different — spread over two floors, with a bar and dancefloor upstairs, dungeon and rooms downstairs, and an outdoor space too. At first, I wasn’t feeling it — probably because of the rocky start — but the vibe did pick up. They had staff running sexy games to get the energy going, and that helped a lot. We tried a room early on, but a few blokes wandered in mid-session which killed the mood. No one was being rude, and we could have asked them to leave, but we just decided to stop. Later, when the couples’ rooms officially opened, we went again and had a great time. The owner even apologised, which smoothed things over. We had another go later in the night, but again I got distracted by a guy lingering a bit too close. Still, no hassle, no drama — just not quite the same buzz as Pleasures. We haven’t been back, but it was still a solid night overall.

Next up was the Vanilla Alternative in Tempsford, Sandy — or VA. This one had a completely different feel — very clean, well-designed, and straight into the bar and dancefloor when you walk in. The club also rents out rooms overnight, but they book fast and we didn’t manage to get one. There were no private rooms at all, which at first put us off. I’ll be honest — our first impression was “what the hell is this?” But it had one massive plus: a huge hot tub.

Early in the night, we found a quiet corner just behind the hot tub and decided to go for it. Of course, halfway through, the club tour for newbies started — right as we were mid-session. I was thrown off, but Sophie had her eyes closed and was fully into it, so I thought, sod it. I went with it. Not like me at all — but a bit of a rush, if I’m honest.

Later in the night, cocktails flowing, we found another spot — kind of a dungeon/lounge hybrid with a big sex swing. No one was in there at first, but a few couples came in mid-way. I clocked them straight away, but Sophie? She was lost in it. She was loving every second, and seeing her like that turned me on like crazy. We finished, high as a kite on the energy in the room. No pressure, no weird vibes — just that sexy club buzz that’s hard to explain unless you’ve felt it.

VA is definitely up there for us — but if we’re honest, Pleasures still takes the crown. Even though we usually prefer privacy, the vibe, the people, and the layout at VA made the whole night feel genuinely special. If we’d managed to book one of their rooms upstairs that leads directly to the club, it might’ve even tipped the scales. And yeah… me and Sophie walking around in our underwear half the night? Never thought we’d be that couple — but we were. No pressure, no judgement, just pure comfort. That says it all.

Most recently, we tried Jaydees in Colmworth. It had just reopened after a refurb, and our neighbour raved about it. We stayed at the Waterfront Hotel nearby — not bad, a bit overpriced — but the club itself was something else. The entrance threw us a bit: first thing we saw was a tea area that felt more like an afternoon café than a sex club. Not our vibe, and it gave us a weird first impression. But that changed fast.

The layout was beautiful — an old barn with oak beams, loads of character, and a nice big hot tub. The dungeon and couples’ rooms were upstairs, a bit low in places but still sexy. The dancefloor and bar were well set up, and the staff were brilliant. We actually forgot to bring cash, but they let us do a bank transfer — couldn’t have been nicer. One bar lady served the whole club and never missed a beat.

We played in a private room, then got into the hot tub naked right at the end of the night when no one else was in there. It was the perfect end to a genuinely fun evening. Again — lovely people, respectful, no pressure.

Each club we’ve been to has had its own vibe, its own layout, and its own kind of energy. Some felt instantly right, others took a bit of warming up — but every one of them gave us something different. And even when things didn’t go perfectly, that just became part of the experience. We’ve had surprises, awkward moments, laughs, and some seriously sexy memories along the way.

We’re not newbies anymore. We’re more confident, more open, and more connected than ever — not just with each other, but with a community of people who get it. And that, more than anything, has made it all worth it.

How Exploring Sex Clubs Changed Our Relationship and Sex Life

One of the biggest things people ask us is, “Has it changed your relationship?” And the honest answer is — yes, massively. In all the right ways.

We were already solid. We’d been together over 23 years, loved each other, had great sex, communicated well — but this took everything to another level. It forced us to have honest conversations about jealousy, fantasies, limits, and boundaries. And more than that, it made us feel like a team again.

There’s something powerful about stepping into the unknown together. You rely on each other. You check in constantly — “Are you OK?” “Do you want to stay?” “Are you into this?” — and that communication spills back into your everyday life. We’re closer now than we’ve ever been.

And sex? Let’s just say… it lit a fire. Knowing people were watching, or could be, added a level of thrill that’s hard to describe. Sophie’s always been sexy, but seeing her in that environment — confident, playful, wild — made me fall in love with her all over again. And she says the same about me. It’s not about being with other people — we haven’t done that — it’s about turning each other on in a new way.

We talk more. We flirt more. We shag more. And not just in clubs. At home. On weekends away. In the car once or twice. It’s like we’ve rediscovered that part of us that got buried under school runs, bills, and routines. And honestly, it’s the best gift we could have given ourselves.

Is a Sex Club Right for You? Honest Advice from a Real Couple

Honestly? That depends on what you’re looking for.

If you’re a couple who’s confident, curious, and up for trying something outside the norm — without pressure — then yes, a sex club could be a brilliant experience. You don’t need to be into orgies, you don’t need to swap, and you definitely don’t need to strip off or perform for anyone. You can just turn up, have a drink, take it all in, and go at your own pace. We’ve done that ourselves plenty of times.

But if the thought of being around sexual energy in a social setting freaks you out, or you know jealousy might be a problem, it might not be the right time — and that’s okay too. It’s something you both have to want, and talk honestly about before you walk through the door.

That said, the respect in these places is next-level. There’s a reason we’ve never had a single issue — and that includes Sophie, who gets a lot of attention (and for good reason — she’s stunning). But people know their place. There are strict rules about consent, and clubs take them seriously. “No” means no — end of story. Safe words are respected. If someone crosses a line, they’re barred for life. It’s not the free-for-all people think it is — it’s actually one of the most respectful environments we’ve ever been in.

So is it for everyone? Maybe not. But for us, it’s been a total game changer. We wouldn’t entertain a normal club now — not after this. The atmosphere, the people, the energy… it’s just on a completely different level. Once you’ve experienced it, it’s hard to go back.

Our Top Tips for Couples Visiting a Sex Club for the First Time

If you’re thinking about going to a sex club for the first time, here’s what we’d say from experience:

1. Talk about everything — before you go.
   Be honest about your expectations, your limits, and your nerves. Even if you're just going to look, it's important to be on the same page.
2. You don’t have to do anything.
   Seriously — just watching, chatting, or having a drink together is enough. There’s no pressure to play, swap, or even undress. You’re in control.
3. Dress to feel confident.
   Sophie loves dressing up and looking sexy — and while I’ve learned to love it too, I’ll admit it took me some time. She was a bit more forward than me in the beginning, and that’s okay. The important thing is feeling good in yourself, not trying to be someone you’re not.
4. Respect is everything — and it goes both ways.
   Every club we’ve been to has been full of like-minded people who get it. You’ll meet respectful, open-minded couples who know how it works. And if someone doesn’t? Clubs will remove them. Fast.
5. Bring your own drink, and your best attitude.
   Most clubs are BYOB with soft drinks available inside — and the night is what you make of it. Be open, friendly, and let yourself enjoy it.
6. You’ll probably be nervous — and that’s normal.
   We were bricking it the first time. But the nerves quickly turn into excitement, and the whole night can become something you’ll talk about for years.
7. Don’t compare your journey to anyone else’s.
   Some people are into orgies. Some only play together. Some just watch. There’s no “right way” to do it — just your way.
8. Most of all — stick together.
   This whole thing has made us stronger as a couple. It’s given us stories, confidence, and some unforgettable nights. Go into it as a team, and you’ll come out closer than ever.
9. Match each other’s pace.
   One of you might be more confident than the other — and that’s fine. But if you rush ahead without checking in, it can lead to friction or arguments. Go at the speed that works for both of you. If you’re not aligned, don’t go — or at least, don’t expect fireworks. This only works if you move together.

Final Thoughts: From Nervous First-Timers to Sex Club Regulars

We never thought we’d be “sex club people.” If you told us a few years ago we’d be having sex in a dungeon or behind a hot tub while strangers walked past, we’d have laughed in your face. But here we are — and we wouldn’t change a thing.

This journey has brought us closer, made us more confident, and shown us that there’s a whole world of open-minded, respectful people out there who just want to enjoy life without judgement. It’s not about swinging or orgies unless you want it to be. For us, it’s been about exploring something new together — as a couple, on our own terms.

If you're curious, talk about it. If you're nervous, that’s normal. But if you’re both up for it and trust each other — take the leap. You might come out of it like we did: stronger, sexier, and with some absolutely insane stories to tell.

And while we’ve loved trying different clubs, Pleasures is still our main go-to. Maybe it’s the fact that it’s closer to home, or that it was our first — but we’ve been there more than anywhere else, and getting to know the people and the layout just makes the whole experience more relaxed and natural. Every club we’ve tried has been welcoming, but there’s something about familiarity that builds confidence over time. And it’s not just the regulars — the owners and staff at Pleasures are genuinely lovely. They make the place feel safe, friendly, and never intimidating, which makes all the difference when you’re stepping out of your comfort zone.

The truth is…
until you try it for yourself, you’ll never truly know what you’re missing.

❓ Frequently Asked Questions About Visiting a Sex Club

🔁 Do you have to swap partners at a sex club?
Not at all. Swinging is just one part of the wider scene — but it's not for everyone. We don’t swap and never have. Plenty of couples go just to explore, watch, or enjoy a different kind of night out together. You set the boundaries.

👀 Can you go just to watch or relax?
Absolutely. Watching is common and there's zero pressure to do anything you're not into. Many people just enjoy the vibe, chat to others, or soak up the atmosphere without getting involved.

❌ Do I need to be a swinger to go to a sex club?
Nope. You don’t need to label yourself at all. We still don’t. If you’re a couple who’s curious and wants to experience something different, you’ll fit right in. It's about comfort, not categories.

👗 What should you wear to a sex club?
It varies by club, but usually smart, sexy, or themed. Men should avoid casual polos or trainers (we learned the hard way 😅). Women often wear lingerie or something playful — but only if that’s your vibe. Confidence is key. It’s always worth checking the dress code in advance, especially if it’s a theme night — many clubs run events like masquerade balls, latex nights, or glow parties.

🛡️ Is it safe — and what about consent?
Yes — and consent is everything. Every club we’ve visited has clear rules: no means no, always ask before engaging, and safe words are respected. If someone crosses a line, they’re shown the door. We’ve never had a problem — even though Sophie gets a lot of compliments, everyone’s respectful and knows their place. These places take safety seriously, and anyone crossing the line is barred for life.

💜 Can I bring sex toys to a sex club?
Yes, most clubs are totally fine with you bringing your own toys — in fact, it’s encouraged if that’s your thing. Whether it’s a wand, a flogger, a plug, or a blindfold, just make sure it’s clean, safe, and consensual with your partner. Some clubs even have toys or equipment available on-site (like spanking benches or St. Andrew’s Crosses), but bringing your own means you know exactly what you’re using.

We always take a few of our own — and if you need inspiration, check out our full range of sex toys to find something club-night ready. Just avoid anything extreme or unsafe — common sense always applies.

📚Where can I learn more if I'm just curious for now?
If you're still thinking about it and want to understand the mindset more than the mechanics, we also wrote this blog: Thinking About Swinging?